my world is trembling down.
whatever that has gone to me,never been this bad.
its pitchy dark, with no voice or motion.
slowly eating my brain and leaving me in a painful agony.
and still until that point of dullness,
i keep the burdens only for myself.
nothing to expect.
its all meaningless.
i do not fight back cause it will only brings me back to how reality stings like an angry hornet.
and no painkillers allowed.
see, i got myself understands how to stay silent and let the sadness engulf me,
it makes thing easier for me, to pretend nothing happened.
to pretend im fine.
but im not and im all alone. single. induvidual. one player.
i’ve had it all, had the worst headache during my sleeps and then stay awake,
running to the bathroom, have a look of my wet pity face,
do all the soundless screams and tuck my head to water so long.
just another lonely moment.
what really happened,
is maybe something not too over the hedge.
but it’s like : ive been stashing my grudge, my emotions, my anger, my everything so long to myself,
with no one to share and know.
i have best friends and they are amazing in many different ways of their own.
the problem is me,getting all too closed for them to see the real me.
i dont share. and they dont know what im thinking. literally.
there’s nothing wrong with them. no, only me.
so with all the burdens inside plus the massive problem becoming a trigger, bang.
i snapped it out.
dont feel good after crying,
dont feel nice after sulking,
and i dont feel comfortable with everything i have right at this moment.
i wish i could just disappear. poof.
or have a permanent insomnia, restarting my life in much more organized way.
life sucks, and then you die. yes, i should be so lucky. -jacob black
-FML. i mean it.