Jittery.

I just don’t know what else to do. Everything is settled, everything is ready and I need only to step on a new platform of my study. But why on earth, of all time, do I feel so reluctant to changes now? I am so afraid and filled with uncertainties of how the path will unfold, that I forgot to feel excited. I forgot to be grateful, I forgot how anxious I was when I first started this course.

I have five days left in hometown. I have only 120 hours to be here with Mum, with my dogs, with my friends and with everything I have been familiar with for so many years. I never felt so sad to think that I’m going back to Singapore for my study. I never cried alone in my pillow, so scared with the thoughts of leaving my house on Sunday morning. For almost one year I left Medan, I don’t want to go back to Singapore. Or perhaps, for the sake of my insecurity, I’m not sure if I can survive with the new world I’m facing.

As crybaby as I am, Mum always said to me; ” You have to do everything with your heart. When you don’t put your heart in doing things, nothing will ever goes right.” So I am trying to pull myself together, slapping my mental self, and telling myself that everything will be fine.fine.fine. All I need is some time to cope up and adapt. God speed. X

-life is full of changes. You either take it or be blown by it.

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4 comments

  1. David Guzman · September 13, 2011

    Hi Jennifer,

    I hope you find happiness in Singapore. I loved your ending quote, it reminded me of one I ran cross the other day:

    “They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.” ~Confucius

    Good luck. : )

    Take Care,

    -David

  2. you will be just fine · September 17, 2011

    dont cry doll. i remember once the night before i went to highschool for the first day tomorrow. i’m all nervous, anxious, maybe a little bit happy & curious about my future which is way ahead of me, so that i cant sleep properly that night. i hope what you felt is just another of that “first time experience” thingy. good luck with the new world you’ll embrace (just fine in my opinion).

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