Hello, Greedy Alter Ego.

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Today is 17th of April. ALREADY. Time is definitely trolling me. The days when I waited for this holiday to come seems like forever and ever, but the holiday really passed in a flash. I am beyond grateful to have the opportunity to travel. But I can’t help to sustain the feeling of not having enough, not long enough, not seen enough. The greediness is creeping behind my back and weigh my shoulder to return to reality. The reality where sunny Singapore awaits me with tons of works follow up and possibly troubles (?).

Beside the wonderful days I had, i also had a hiccup on the beginning of my trip. I lost my Blackberry in London Heathrow Airport. Words cannot describe what I felt when i found out I lost it. It was not the first time, not the second time, not the third time. It was the fourth time i lost my phone. The history should record me as ‘the dedicated clumsy girl’. In all four times, it happens in the same way. I either left it unattended somewhere, or simply forget it. Not once (or as far as I’m concerned), was the phone taken of force by somebody else. I literally put the phone somewhere for public usage. So other people can take the free gift they luckily found there. I have tried emailing the airport’s lost and found section. Wish they reply sooner and maybe if I am still siding with goddess of fortune, i can get back my phone. If not, all the hassle of changing my phone number again and again… Ugh.

So mad of myself that I just really can’t configure if there’s any good side left in me. What makes me more frustrated of myself, Dad wasn’t even mad at me. He simply asked me to buy a new one, or just use his other phone. Which brings me to the newest level of greediness. I want to still use Blackberry. Because Mum is waiting everyday for me to chat with her, and also all my familiar friends are using the oh-so-convenient Blackberry Messenger. On the other hand, I am in love using Dad’s Android phone while I was on the trip. The endless possibilities of applications and all the things Blackberry cannot manage to fit into. Plus i can go online on skype with dad at anytime. This is like letting me choose between Dad or Mum..

What makes people so greedy?
I suppose it is the will to have power over a lot of different subjects/objects drives people irrational. It is like those superhero movies we saw when the bad guys tried to conquer or rule the world. Probably that is the highest order of greed, evolving from the simplest wish to have more of this, more of that, and finally all of them. But I truly believe we have the power to quench the greed inside of ourself. It all depends on how you set the bar of life, just not too high, not too low, simply be modest and be what you are.

Writing this post really helps me to think clearly and decide. I am who I am and i should be grateful of what I am intended to be. I make mistakes.. I might still be clumsy and feeble, and who knows if I will lost my phone again in the future. But I do know I had enough of my clumsy self and will genuinely try to change and have myself more conscious of the surroundings. I really hope to.
Okay just pouring out all the #unhappythoughts before I get to the fun (travel pics!) part of the holiday.. But on the next post :p. Just let me go back to the loving bed in Singapore, sort all the decent pictures among thousands (yub 1000+) I have in the memory card, and then I shall put up a ‘professional travel diary’ post! Lol.

-Greed is destructive. Greed is consumtive. But you can always be humble at no price.

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Solitude

Hello from the loving bed. I hope you are having a great week so far. :)

Had a half day shift today, and went to watch Act of  Valor with Vivi. Was pretty good heartfelt war movie for an afternoon fling. Then I continued to Esplanade (alone), took pictures and had some dessert afterwards. I was planning to join Shoot Singapore, but did not managed to get there in time. Besides, I am really not confident of my shooting skills. Too shy to show up with my G11 :(

So i figured to just do my own stuffs.

Central Business District

The glorious Marina Bay Sand’s with its Art Science Museum

Then after a good 20 minutes smelling the river, went to Loola’s to grab some eats. Loola’s is located at 2nd floor of Esplanade Mall. Dunno if I should call it as Cafe/Restaurant since it serves lots of cakes and full meals as well. Maybe Bistro? Second time going there, and it is always empty on weekdays afternoon which I major love! This time I am armed with proper camera yays! :)

creamy tomato soup with crispy bacon. Ordered this first time I went there, and just had to order it again. Because it is that good!

strawberry meringue tart. Sweet sweet dessert. As a matter of fact, i think it’s too sweet to my liking. The strawberries were juicy and the butterscotch ice scream fits perfectly, but the tarts were just average. I prefer the Mille Feuille Crepes Cake I ordered on first visit though. Also ordered Iced Buttersotch Latte. Wrong choice, should’ve just ordered the normal Hot Butterscotch Latte.

Above concludes my solo food journey on Thursday 8th March, and below is the gif that just did not manage to wake(?) me up.

No, I ain’t even sorry. I think we all deserve a slice of cake every time you feel like it! It’s a total mood booster, trust me.

Just a bit of my thoughts, I have been really keen in using my spare time all by myself for the past 2/3 months or so. This came by as a result of greediness of only having one and a half day off in a week. The thought of  ‘Ooh I don’t want to waste my off day! Better enjoy myself!’ has led me to nothing but lonely days. I always walked around the shopping centre and eat by myself. Watch movie, take pictures and exploring places all alone. I am wondering if that is actually a normal thing to do? I noticed that I am not as easy going as I used to. I rarely spent time with my girlfriends lately as I was always alone on my off days.

But it is actually my own decision to roam alone and dine alone.. I liked the feeling of  being independent and eating alone. Enjoying the book in a cafe where nobody knows while eating desserts. I totally forgot how fun it can be to actually have someone to talk to on an easy brunch day. I couldn’t have any picture of myself taken in the cute coffee shop I found since it will be just so awkward to hold the camera to my face. Then I realized, the feeling of independent is only an inch away to the feeling of lonely. That very thin line that matters whether your heart is happy to its content in being alone and capable; or whether it is aching in emptiness to find what’s the problem with you.

I need to change my perception of a perfect off day. Stupid me tried to seclude myself and who knows if I actually has become despicable in my friends’ eyes. I miss chattering with friends in coffee shops or having lunch/dinner together. Don’t worry girls, I have stocked up some pretty good gossip spots you would enjoy with a slice of good cake. :)

A little bit off topic here, I have been mentioning #KONY2012 everywhere for the past 2 days. If you are still not aware of what it is, do visit KONY2012.com to find out more. But I doubt you don’t already know what’s happening. If you have watched, and you are interested in purchasing the action kit, mention me @Jennifrlim to talk more. We can actually buy the kits together to share the shipping fees to Singapore. :)

Okay, this is like the longest post I’ve made in such a long time. Too sleepy to type further, and i need to wake up on 7 yikes! Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

-We were born alone, we will die alone. But you need to make sure you don’t feel lonely when you left this world. 

The Audacity.

Hiya fellows.

First week of December is gone, and work has been crazy hectic. The calculation is that 80 percent of people in the world are jiggling their toes planning christmas/new year/chinese new year holiday, where my line of work is the one that is ought to be the busiest and most prosperous sector. Bright side of the story is how I really learn to understand the whole process of travel industry. Not that I say there’s nothing left to learn, well i’ll be dayumed.

Let’s talk a bit about work, next week on 18th, I am working for 3 full months alrighty. It’s not a long time, but it’s also not a short time. I have passed  25% of my internship contract. My friends, families they know I am working instead of studying here, but sometimes I will still be asked : “What kinda job you are doing actually?” “How come you are working?” “What about school?” “Do you get paid?”. The questions are of similar thing, then again I will need to explain myself all over again from the Milky-Way galaxy. pooh.

But yesterday a friend; surprisingly just an average  of my normal rank of buddyness asked me; “Do you like your work?”. And I was like whoa. Do i like my work? If you put like and hate side by side, I think i will slide between them and cover a little of my foot under “Like”. I remembered the first few weeks i am at office, I sometimes felt lost and hopeless. Everything was new, raw to me, that I became overwhelmed in learning. But now, all i have to say is time changed people, yes in good an bad way. I mean to think that i actually come this far and I will still be out of my bed by 9,30 tomorrow, and stay at office for whole day; and come back home again. I was surprised i had the audacity to move along with my new flow of life, while i am always filled with doubt and insecurities. I know I will still have plenties plenties of things to learn and know about. And since I am now stepping near to finish my remaining 75% of intern, I hope i can still go on this  path fearlessly until the end.

I know the writings are a bit random and off topic, the days are near to be twenty and i think i shall really start to see ahead my future. Sorting priorities, sorting life and sorting self. Well at least if anything, I know i will always have a coin in my pocket to remind me of following my own heart; not others.

 

One away. One to go.

Hi-Ho!

I don’t know if i can still post this on 9th October 2011, but i will try.

What’s so special about 9th October 2011? Right. It’s the one year anniversary of living in Singapore. Well not the whole round year as I had some trips back to hometown. But you get the idea. Ah, where to start. I was planning to post a very long picture post about singapore, but i didn’t manage to get around enough decent images. :< Days were busy and crazy and stress-y that i don’t even have the time to think properly. So enough with the rants, and let’s reminisce.

Last year i knew nothing (read; null) about Singapore, about living abroad, and living independently. I remember this piece of advice that strengthens me when i was about to break down every time i feel life is hard.

“When people goes overseas for studying, they might assume that they will have a good time, and experience something exciting. It’s all a part of it. But in the reality, how many of them that cries in the middle of night, missing their families, friends, the familiar hometown. Living alone in other people’s country is harsh. You should really fits in quickly, and if you don’t, you get sick of living there. And when you don’t enjoy where you’re staying, you cannot possibly do anything well..Try your best and don’t give up too quick. “

That was quoted from one of my post one year ago, by a teacher.

I know life is never going to be the same again when i decided to come here and study. I had the easy life so to speak, of going to school and graduated ‘normally’. Never in my wildest dream I was to study abroad in Singapore. So when the time had come for me to set sail, I was too excited to come here that i forgot to feel sad or unhappy of leaving behind my lifestyle. Truthfully, i didn’t left my past behind me. I simply created a new fresh chapter with a brand new ink. After some time, I passed the days here in Singapore in an…carefree manner. I liked it here, whether it’s the unfriendly people i sometimes encounter, or things that just decided to go the wrong direction.Here I learn of meeting new friends, be closer with another friends, and then silently distancing, arguing with your friends or even yourself. Hanging around Orchard Road and window shops.

And there were also times when i thought of “Did I made a mistake by coming here?” “Why am I here?” “I really want to go back home and forget I ever came here.” and “I am all alone.”  It is true. I am all alone. Despite all the friends, cousins i have in singapore, i am all alone. Alone in making decisions, alone in questioning myself, alone in clouds of doubts and insecurities. But i didn’t made the wrong choice of coming here. If people were to speak of I made the wrong choice, they never know how much i learnt from living here. And if they were to know how was I one year ago and the me now, well I guess they might change their perspective a little bit. The sense of independence forced us; international students to grow strong and solid.

I’ve got used to Singapore. I hope the next year, i can post more fun things for the second anniversary. Until then, I MADE THE FIRST YEAR SAFE AND SOUND! A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE, PLEASE! :D

Jennifer Lim, 2010

Jennifer Lim, 2011

excuse the camwhore. too sleepy to write anything else. and tomorrow is the off day. see you guys and have a bloody monday! :D

-one round year to go, baby! 

When In Doubt, (fill in an effective way to eliminate it)

Hi peeps.

Today I received an email asking me to go for an interview tomorrow morning, as it is an interview to ensure I have my attachment secured. I will have my interview at 10 AM in x Hotel, pretty good though.When attending interview, one must be passionate, integrated and confident to take the job fearlessly. But recently, i just don’t have the same mood as when i first started this course. I talked to pops about it, and he gave me some vigilant point of views.. And now i am not even sure about the path that i’m taking. As close as i am to finish my diploma course here, i’m becoming more and more uncertain of the future that awaits me. The doubtful thoughts that i have been having since the early of this year has finally come in front of me; slapping my face with bitter reality and world. I was too naive in taking the course; too naive to be excited on studying abroad, and in the end i failed myself in choosing the right choice.  I hope i can reverse time and slope back to choose everything since i was on first year of senior high.

The point is actually; choose what you want to do. Don’t get stuck by the environment and thrown around like a ping-pong ball, when you can stand up and voice your own thoughts. I chose my life myself as it is now, and no matter how doubtful i am tonight, i am still going to finish it and do my best and be grateful. Grateful as an international student , grateful as a daughter and grateful as myself. It is not too late for me, as long as i still have my vision tattooed in my head, i will always have my own solid ground to step on forward .

-Interview? bring it on.