There’s no doubting that I have lost a tiny bit discipline to write on the blog recently, and I just can’t justify why. I’ve had the greatest time for the last two/three months, so many laughters, good foods and amazing friends scurried around every day that maybe I forget a little to write things that matters. I’ve missed writing for my 2nd anniversary of living in Singapore, again too much fun with friends and Mom around. They fill my days with joys and rays of sunshine. No complaints here.
But what will happen from now on? It’s 5AM and I’m now sitting on the couch from my “home” for the last one and a half year, typing away things I think I should let out before I leave here for good. Yep. I’m leaving Singapore and going back to hometown in approximately.. 12 hours? And I haven’t got a blink of sleep. I don’t really care, though. Ha.
I finished my internship, finished my graduation ceremony, and said goodbyes to lots of places and friends. It’s getting really hard to move out of one’s comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable it may seems like at times. I would sometimes lost the courage and sunk myself in the thoughts of “Unable-ness”, just because I’m moving on to the next stage. The idea of what if my plans doesn’t goes along makes me numb and think of the worst situations. I’ve grown so accustomed to the life in Singapore I started to compare it to a lot of scenarios. I love this place in all its goods and bads. The pros and cons, the vibrant and bustling city life, the easiness of traveling here and there.. Oh so many things I can picture to miss a lot when I’m back home.
It’s funny that i recalled being in the same situation when I was 11, I moved from Jakarta to Medan. I’ve traveled in between the twos so I don’t really recall on which was my real home during times. So I was sitting at the plane, sticking my forehead at plane window and sobbed. The naive me asked Mom, “When I live in Jakarta, I wanted so bad to go back to Medan. But now that I’m on plane, I just want to stay here (cries) How is that possible?” I remembered Mom smiled and poked my head. She said that those feelings are called “greed”, the feeling of wanting best of both worlds in your hands and feeling satisfied when you have things your way. But you must always remember to thank God of whatever reasons that makes you want to stay in both places, don’t you think? It just proves that you enjoy your stay and you loved the experience and friends you made. So it was not something that will be gone once we took off the plane to other places. Things that you love and cherish will always resides in your heart, no matter where you are. True that, momsie.
It has been a tremendously amazing two years. It passed in a blink. It truly does. I am proud to say the last two year has been the most amazing years in my life. I matured a lot (at least I think I did), I gained a lot (it’s a given, i’m not even fighting it), I made a lot of amazing friends, I learnt heaps of things from experience and problems and I had a sip of life; living abroad and expanding my horizons in little red dot of Singapore. And I am always.always.grateful for my Dad to lend me a hand by giving me the opportunity. I’m one lucky, loved and happy daughter. :)
A lot of people asked me what’s next. What will happen after I finished the big round of adventure here. The answer is probably.. I strive for more. I kind of feel like there was not a lot of studying involved in the school that I attended. It was mostly basic lessons focused on daily manners and stuffs. Besides I graduated as a Diploma, and I figure why not just snatch the Degree while I’m still up for it? Which means I need to busy myself with lots of universities research when I’m back home. That would be my next. New chapter, new perspective; whole lot of things “new” I can’t wait to experience. So yeah, my adventure has barely ended yet. I am only starting a new canvas. Until then, I hope to still be able to update the page sooner or later. Just praying the internet works. Eeeep!
I love my life. To the tiniest, unhappy, uncomfortable and uncertain bits. And I am grateful today and hopefully tomorrows. :)
Good night. Good world.